*For some reason, whenever I think of tattoos, that song by TATU get’s stuck in my head.  And then I kill myself, but you know how it goes. 

I finally got my tattoo on Saturday.  I put down my deposit and started talking to my tattoo artist on March 22nd, so this has been a long time coming.  I didn’t really think about it too much (you know, only once or twice a day) in the week leading up to the big event, but by Saturday morning I was pretty nervous.  Rob came with me to hold my hand, and to keep me company.  I wasn’t sure of Sean (the artist) would be a talkative guy or not, and didn’t want to be totally bored when I was there.  Plus it’s always nice to have support.  Anyway,  when we first got there we had to wait a bit while he made up the stencil.  It didn’t take too long, and it gave me a chance to go through the portfolio books again.  Not that I really needed too, but I wanted to look through again and say “Oh yeah!  I really do love his work” (and I do).

Sean was really cool about the whole thing.  I sat and watched him put together the machine, and got to look at the needles (5 in the machine for lining, 11 in the machine for colouring/shading).  He explained every little bit of how the tattoo process works, how he works, and what it would feel like… although not really.  After I got the stencil on and approved the location, I laid down on the table and he begun the lining.  I swear, getting a tattoo feels like someone is taking a very hot fork and scratching it on your skin.  I think that the lining hurt the most, but mostly it was a very localized pain, whereas the shading felt more spread out and not as painful.  Once he had all the lining done, he let me up to walk around and take a look so he could set up all the colours. 

The shading and colouring took the most amount of time, but Sean was so great.  He chatted the whole time, and he’s very knowledgeable.  I wasn’t expecting that, but I think I made a fair amount of assumptions based on his career that probably weren’t true.  It was a lot of fun, and he was great at being distracting, which really helped.  I was pretty sore by the end, as I had been laying in one position for a long time.  The flowers were the last thing that he did, and boy howdy did those hurt.  I’m not sure if I just hit my pain tolerance, or if the flowers were all just on pressure points (right on the tip of the bones, near my armpit, etc.), but I think I spent the majority of the flower time with my face pushed into the table, and with my feet gripping the edges of the chair.  They hurt.  A lot.

Saturday night was pretty painful, and I didn’t sleep all that well.  On Sunday the skin stopped hurting so much, but the muscles hurt from the tattoo, as well as from sitting/laying funny (so my tattoo didn’t touch anything - I ended up with ink & blood on the sheets Saturday night, and didn’t want to leave tattoo imprints all over the house - plus, I tried to put a shirt on Sunday morning and just ended up with it stuck to my back - gross and painful).  Today it feels not too bad.  It hurts if you press on it (and when I wash/moisturize it), but I wouldn’t know that I’ve had it done otherwise. 

I’m really looking forward to when it all heals so I can see what it looks like without any swelling/redness.  I really love my tattoo, and would totally recommend Sean to anyone who wanted to get a tattoo!

I’ve been reading Captivating by Stasi and John Eldridge.  It’s a very insightful book, and very interesting.  In one portion, it asks you to go into your heart and find out what lies you’ve been living (I am ugly, I don’t matter, I have no talent, etc.), and to forgive the people that caused you those hurts.  It’s been hard for me to go through some of the things that I’ve burried so deep, and some of the things that I tell myself have been written on my heart for a long, long time. 

The one “side effect” that I hadn’t counted on was the dreams that have been cycling through my nights.  Every now and then, and ex-boyfriend or an old crush will pop up in my dreams.  Usually, it’s not painful, and although I feel awkward about it the next morning, it fades and life goes back to normal.  This time it seems that all my ex’s and crushes are giving me all my old wounds again.  So and so from high school tells me that the other girl was a better woman.  My first serious boyfriend tells me that I’m not worthy to get married to.  That guy from the Kung Fu Studio tells me that I’m too fat.  I could go on.

I’m finding it harder and harder to let the dreams go.  They are hounding me through the daytime hours, and it’s hard to get to a neutral place, let alone a forgiving place where God can work to heal my heart as I let go of the bitterness and regret.  When I was pregnant, I had to lay in bed each morning, and “paint” the snippets of dreams left in my head in a whitewash.  I had such vivid dreams that would follow me through the day, and it wasn’t until I imagined painting over each of them that they would fade from my mind. 

I sincerely pray that these dreams will stop coming soon.  I have no desire to go through each of those situations again each night in my sleep.  I’ve lived them all once, and that was enough for me.  While I have no doubt in my mind that God would have blessed me had I taken different paths in my life, I feel like none can hold a candle to what I have now.  I love my life, and how it’s turned out (for the most part - there are always things that I would want to change, nothing is perfect). 

I’m getting ready for bed.  I hope that this cycle will cease, and maybe I’ll dream about kittens and rainbows or something. 

I have a lot of half finished posts in my head, but I can’t seem to get them out through my fingers.  I feel lazy and tired and lethargic, so I’ve done very little other than what I need to at home for Rob & Kitten, and read.  If you check out my Read in 2008 page, you can see what I’ve been reading.  In short, far too many paranormal romances starring vampires.  Truly, I think I have reached brain cavity stage.  As in, my brain has rotted away from all of the lack of substance. 

That said, I have only a few things to say about the books. 

1.  Dear Fledgling paranormal romance author, STOP TELLING AND START SHOWING.  I don’t need to you tell me that your vampire isn’t grody and doesn’t drink from humans.  You can let her pop the top on her synthetic blood and let it speak for itself.  Also:  I don’t want your vampire to try to sound all cheeky and perky.  Either make her cheeky and perky, or don’t - but don’t make it sound like she’s trying.  If that makes any sense.  Your stories were good.  In fact, I might even look for more, but so help me if your character keeps with the TELLING and not SHOWING, I will break up with you.  Love, Kait. 

2.  Dear semi-established paranormal romance author, You have two very good books, and it looks like you have a third on the way.  They are great.  However, if you EVER, EVER refer to all the other paranormal romance author’s out there by name and book, we will break up.  You don’t need to use other author’s names and book titles to make people like your book.  Truly, it was good enough without the name dropping laundry list.  It looks like you’re not sure that people will like you, so you have to say “hey, do you like all these people?  LIKE ME TOO!  LIKE ME TOO!”  It’s unneccesary, stop it. 

3.  Stephanie Rowe can do no wrong.  Whether it’s her paranormal romance stuff, or just every day stuff, it is ALL GOOD. 

4.  I think that MaryJanice Davidson’s saving grace (for me) has been her books about Fred the Mermaid (Swimming with the Fishes and Swimming Without a Net).  I started with Betsy, but honestly?  SO TIRED.  Fred has a really different attitude/voice, and I love these books. 

5.  I finished Stephanie Meyer’s New Moon.  It was good.  I’m torn between demanding the third book RIGHT NOW, and never picking up the rest of the series.  I can’t see anything good happening in the next book (from the ending of the second), and I’m afraid that Jacob is going to end up completely broken.  This bothers me because he’s my favourite character (without a doubt - I wish she’s leave Edward and just be happy with Jacob).  On the other hand, I can’t just leave the series.  As we all know by my reading The Harlequin by LKH - even if the quality isn’t there, I probably will continue reading the books.  Quality definitely isn’t the issue with Meyer’s books.  They’re very high quality, but maybe if I’m so invested in a book that I would rather skip dinner with my family to read?  Maybe that isn’t so good.  Darn you, Bella and Edward - you’re like crack.

6.  Also:  The Harlequin.  If you’ve read the past few LKH books, this is much of the same.  Anita’s angst, badly written sex scenes (Oh, seriously.  SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE), danger comes, Anita gets a fancy new power that vanquishes the dark yet again, more angst and THE END.  I should stop buying these.  They’re such a waste of money.  What is wrong with me?  ::sigh::  I promise, I won’t buy any more.  Anyone want to buy the complete Anita Blake mass market series in perfect condition?  I suppose that there are hardcore Anita fans out there.  Otherwise (I would think) the books would stop being published, but dude.  I have so many other books on the shelf that don’t involve stupid and impossible sex scenes, redundent language, and the same tried and tried plot formula that I really don’t need to waste my time on these ones.  I suppose that if I’m truly curious, I could just get the next book out of the library.  But right now?  Not even curious at all.  That said, I will praise LKH for not using the phrase “like so much meat” even once in the latest book.  Go you, LKH. 

So maybe tomorrow, or the day after you can hear about how much I hate that new Kate Perry song, or how Kitten has a tooth (!) and seems to be going on 14 (the horra!).  Or how I hate it when it rains all day, and possibly I will write soon about my garden and the AWESOME peas that I have grown.  And I might, if you’re lucky, take some pictures of The Kid, and The Garden, so you can share in our joy. 

We’re hosting a give-away on Cloth Diaper Mama’s today.  Brit is graciously giving away an adorable Peter Rabbit ring sling.  It’s super adorable, and you should check it out.  For those of you who need a tutorial on Ring Slings, be sure to visit Brit here. 

I am a big fan of baby-wearing… at least as much as both you and baby can stand.  I did a lot of wearing with Kitten between the ages of birth to 8 months.  I still wear her now, but it’s different.  I was lucky that my friend loaned me 3 types of carriers so we could try them all out before committing to a single carrier.  We have used the Baby Bjorn, a funky sling, a cuddle wrap, a ring sling, and a hikers back pack. 

Rob’s favourite is probably the Bjorn.  I think he prefers it because it’s not “girly” and it’s relatively easy to get her in and out of.  Kitten seemed to enjoy it, regardless of who was wearing it, so we used this one for quite some time - probably until she was 8 months or so (in rotation with other carriers).  I didn’t mind the Bjorn, but it wasn’t a great fit for my super curvy figure (I felt like it cut in around my waist, making my hips look bigger than necessary - but that could have just been my perception and not reality at all). 

I hated the sling I borrowed from my friend, and Kitten did too.  She would scream bloody murder from the moment you put her in until the moment you took her out.  It was kind of a high-tech hot sling, not a ring sling.  Rob never tried this carrier.  It was a pinky red colour, and if she hated it while I wore it?  I wasn’t going to get my gun-shy husband to put it on and swear off baby wearing because of it. 

The cuddle wrap did nothing for me when Kitten was tiny.  I tried it once, and it irritated my sensitive neck.  I gave it back to my friend.  Around Kitten’s 8 month birthday, I borrowed it back to try it again.  She was starting to irritate my back in my ring sling, so I thought I would try the cuddle wrap again.  LOVE!  It’s definitely hard to get into - all that wrapping and making sure everything is straight and such.  Wow.  It’s a bit of work the first time or two that you do it.  However, for a heavier baby, this is an awesome way to wear them.  There were days when Kitten wouldn’t go to sleep unless I walked her around the neighbourhood in the cuddlewrap.  We did try the wrap on my back, but it didn’t work out too well.  I’d like to try it again, now that Kitten is just that much bigger, to see if she fits in it better that way.  Truthfully, though, I don’t love that it crosses over my boobs.  No woman needs a big X across her chest.  This carrier is my first choice - I hope that now that I’m more comfortable with it, I’ll be able to use it more with the next baby.

We used a ring sling for the majority of our baby wearing “career”.  It’s a beautiful Heart-2-Heart sling, with padded sides and shoulder strap.  I often used the sling while I was nursing to support Kitten’s head (I had major fatigue in my wrists, due to marathon nursing sessions).  In public, it was a great cover-up while nursing.  It was pretty, and Kitten tolerated it well… until she was about 8 months old.  Then she didn’t want her hands tucked inside, so we gave it a break for a while.  I have used it on occasion with her being bigger, but I think I need to learn how to use it again - every time I put my heavy baby in it, my back seems to go “out”.  I’m sensitive when it comes to my back anyway, so this might just be me, but it wasn’t a feeling I enjoyed.  I should make an appointment to back to the store and have the guy there show me the best toddler positions to create the least amount of stress on me.  The ring sling was definitely my favourite choice for a newborn, and might even be for a toddler (once I figure out how to wear it with a bigger kid). 

My friend (she’s a baby wearing fiend, I suppose) has also loaned us her hiking backpack.  I think that Kitten loves this one the most right now.  It’s hella heavy, and she is too, but when you’re used to having all that weight on your front (pregnancy, nursing, just being large chested), it’s nice to have it switched to being on your back.  This is a pretty good backpack, although truthfully the only one I’ve ever owned.  Kitten is pretty heavy in it, but it hold her really snugly and securely, and she doesn’t mind sitting in it if I need to put her down for a few minutes.  Truthfully, I’m not sure that I would want to hike anywhere with this - I can’t seem to get it adjusted into a super comfortable position for me, and it tends to mash my boobs where they connect to my armpits.  That said, it worked AWESOMELY (is that a word?) for my friend.  She loved loved the backpack, and would wear her little guy around the house while doing chores. 

So there you go - there are as many carriers out there as there are people and babies - there are a lot I haven’t tried… but if you want to give a sling a try with no outlay of money, be sure to enter the Ring Sling Giveaway!